Why I dislike breastfeeding (but do it anyway)

 

I have something to confess: I don’t like breastfeeding.

I breastfed my son until he was 14 months, and plan on continuing to bf my daughter until at least that age. And I don’t enjoy it. I know there will be some of you out there saying that something must be wrong (the latch? A tongue-tie? positioning?).  Maybe some of you will even be wondering if I have postnatal depression, and that’s why I dislike it. Do I hate it every time I sit down to feed my daughter? Not at all. Do I feel proud of my efforts? Absolutely. Do I gaze down at her and feel like we have a special bond because of breastfeeding? No, I do not – we would have had that regardless.

Here’s some of the reasons why I don’t like it.

 I over-produce milk, which I keep being told is a blessing, but means changing my nursing pads every few hours and constantly leaking milk. It means having to express (yes, I know that produces more milk, sometimes I have no choice). And it means I am very susceptible to mastitis and especially thrush (the most painful thing ever, in my opinion).

I dislike breastfeeding because of the dependence my daughter has for me, for ravenous hunger, for milk squirting on the poor stranger who has the misfortune of sitting next to me.

I hate the constant discussion about it, about debates over feeding in public and ‘nurse-ins’. I hate people thinking I judge bottle-feeding because I breastfeed or, even worse, strangers who feel they have to defend why they didn’t (it was your decision and, frankly, I don’t care).

So why do I do it? Why do I put myself through it? For this reason: it’s not about me. I don’t have to like it. No one said every part of mothering was going to be fun (hello, labour anyone?). I’m a breastfeeder who dislikes breastfeeding. That is my infant-feeding journey; it has nothing to do with anyone else’s.

Haggis filo pie

To slowly get back into blogging, I thought I'd start with a wee recipe. This one came directly from a "that recipe is too hard I'm going to make it easier" situation. Throw in a couple "I'll just substitute that" and this is what I came up with. A surprisingly big hit for everyone:

1. Cook spinach (I use frozen, straight into the pan) with some seasoning and add feta (2/3 block). I threw in some Mexican cheese as it was almost past its best.

  2. Cook haggis (I used the microwave 'cause, you know, 2 little kiddies) and add to mixture.
 

3. Lay 3 sheets of filo in springform cake tin, brushing each layer with butter before adding the next (strictly store-bought filo because, well, I'm not crazy).

4. Add haggis mix, repeat filo layers on top (btw, the numbers of layers are simply because the pack had 6 sheets in it. Add more as desired!).
 

5. Scrunch layers over the top and add butter. Cook at 200C until golden brown (about 30 minutes).

6. Slice and enjoy! 

Mr K had this for lunch the next day and said it held up very well. Just remember to let it cool totally before covering and putting in the fridge or you'll have soggy pastry. 

Oh, and if you have left-over filo, do not try to make an apple and chocolate pie. In the words of the frog "eww mama, gross".